It’s not always easy to think about, let alone write about, the most horrible day of your life. Not for me anyway. So today, the 17th anniversary of the day my daughter died, I’m simply going to repost my thoughts from 2011. Because in reality, after 17 years, I’m still working on my goal.
2011: I have a personal goal that I’ve been working on. I’ve been earnestly trying to come to terms with my daughter’s death. Today is a big day. A huge day. Fourteen years ago today Britt died. She was killed in a single car accident. It was a bad day. Horrific, crappy and every other negative adjective you could possibly think of. Life changing. Not only for me but for her brothers, friends and most everyone who knew her.
I can still hear Britt’s voice. I can still smell her hair. I can still feel her touch. For that, I am eternally grateful.
noelle says
I lost my Nana…
She was my grandmother and my best friend..
I don’t think I ever came to deal with it..
But, I did realize..
If I keep her memory alive in my heart… She would always live there!!!
I miss her like crazy.. and no, each day, it does NOT get easier.
hugs to you on this day… and every day
Rachel says
She was absolutely beautiful and looked just like you. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my grandfather a couple of years ago. We were really close. He lived with us growing up. My loss doesn’t even compare to yours at all. What helped me, was focusing on the security in knowing that I will once again be reunited with him in heaven. It makes the loss more bearable.
Cuzinlogic says
I lost my auntie over ten years ago. The funny stories and memories of the time we shared is what helps me.
Auntie E says
I lost my Mother to Cancer 3 years ago. I still have days that I really an down and miss her. Now I just keep it to myself. As you ask I don not seems to have a routine to help me with this. do not think we ever get over missing them. One thing that helps me deal with her death is, I see her in me and I think of the day I will see her again, after my death. I also think of the fun thing we did together and I try to keep her memory alive through my thoughts. I use to dream of her every night, now just once in a while. but when I do I cherish the dream time with her. Death is hard on us all, I am sorry to hear of your loss.
Kari says
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s a daily struggle and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I lost my Dad to lung cancer about two years ago. I miss him so much. I especially miss him being with my children. He loved them so much, they were the world to him. If the kids did something good, funny, (or even bad), he was the first person I would call to share it with.
JamericanSpice says
Oh sweetie. *HUG* I”m so sorry.
I don’t know how. I don’t what I’d do.
Just have to give yourself time to grieve until the pain turn to acceptance and more to appreciating her memory. I think the process of grief can help us.
*HUG*
Debbie says
I am so sorry for your loss. I just can’t imagine . . . Anyway, I have not lost anyone that close. I’ve lost grandparents, aunts and uncles. My loss is nothing compared to yours. May you find comfort soon.
Harriet Buscombe says
It’s pretty hard to deal with it. I’ve lost both my parents and I still think about them daily even though I’ve moved on. Your daughter is still in your heart for a good reason.
Hang in there
Tina Lopez says
It’s been 14 years since I lost my dad also. I miss him all the time and still find myself crying when I think of all that was lost with his passing. I am also sad for my kids that don’t have a Grandpa. I wish he were still here so he could help my boys with their scouting. I don’t think we should ever “get over it”. I think we just learn to breath everyday even if it hurts. And they wouldn’t want our lives to end just because theirs did. Britt would want you to be happy for Brian and Todd also.
Vanessa says
I’m thinking of you and Britt today! This day 14 years ago changed my life, my friend was gone and I had to learn how to cope, and look at death as a positive thing at a young age. I will NEVER forget that day and all the people I saw and the emotions,tears and hugs we shared that day. I remember being at your house and trying to talk to Todd but he wouldn’t talk. I remember my mother trying to comfort you. I remember just being in utter shock. Such raw emotions! I loved Britt so much and I am thrilled to be reunited with her again some day! I love you Cathi!! She was so lucky to have you as her mother!
Smellyann says
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My mother died when I was seven years old, and one of my twin boys died at 3 days old, 8½ years ago, both unexpectedly. Therapy has been crucial for me in dealing with both of those, but I’m still in because, as you say, it’s life-changing to lose a child.
I wish you the best.
Xenia @ Thanks, Mail Carrier says
Oh, Cathi.
I never knew the full story but just went and read your post from the beginning of the month and now I’m totally sitting here sobbing.
The pictures are so gorgeous, what a beautiful, happy daughter. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through the past 14 years, but I know that you’re such an amazingly strong woman so just know that I’m thinking about you and sending you a big hug and some peace today.
kailani says
I love the Cheerleading photo of Britt. She looks just like you! Sending hugs your way.
Debra @ A Frugal Friend says
Of course you know my story Cathi……and I’ve been thinking of you all day along with my emails I’ve sent ya.
Losing my mom so unexpectedly shook me to my core…..I think grieving is always a work in process for me. My faith and the joyful moments in life (that I know you have too in those beautiful grandchildren you’ve been blessed with) help so much when it’s hard.
Hugs to you Cathi!
Beth @ TheAngelForever says
Oh Cathi, I was caught up in the holidays yesterday and so sorry I am reading this now. Hugs coming your way. Now I realize why the earthquake and NY being away were so hard. You are an amazing mama and I love that you are doing this to help you.
My Nana was my best friend. After my Papa died in 4th grade, the two of us were together almost all of the time. After school, I would walk to her house and be with her. She would spend the entire weekend with me. In the summer, we spent the days in her pool and taking rides. The last time I saw my Nana was on my 13th birthday. She was so very sick, but hiding it to be at my party. The next morning she was hospitalized. To this day I still cry and wonder why I didn’t go and see her one last time. I so wish I had hugged her just one more time. I think part of my anger is how I found out she passed away. It still irks me to this day. I hug my NHL, when he lets me because he was named for my Nana. As much as I love that he is named for her, I wish she had met TechyDad and my boys.
Stacy Uncorked says
Ohhhhh Cathi! I’m so very sorry for your loss! I could not even imagine losing my daughter – at any age – since she’s my heart. ((HUGZ!!))
It took me awhile to come to terms with my grandmother’s death – she was only 63 (but looked and acted like a 40-something). She was a diabetic, and apparently came down with the flu – she didn’t give herself her insulin shots so she ended up in a coma and died the next day. I was 19 and had just moved into my own apartment – I still remember getting the call that she was in the hospital early one morning, only she passed about 15 minutes before I got there. It took me a very long time to accept that she was really gone.
But nothing like it would be if it were my daughter. ((HUGZ!!!!!))
Wendy Wright says
Oh Cathi. Wishing hugs across the miles were possible.
Mary Denman says
Cathi,
I’m so sorry you’re having to live through such a difficult loss. A friend of mine lost her son last March to cancer. He was only 15. It just breaks my heart for her. I shudder at the thought of losing a child.
Laat year, my mom passed away unexpectedly in May, 2013 while my hubby and I were out of the country on our 25th anniversary trip. We cut our trip short to return home to bury her. Then, just two weeks later, we buried my father-in-law.
My body and emotions couldn’t handle both of the deaths. I started grieving for my mother. Then, 14 months later, the damn of emotions for my father-in-law broke. I cried every day for a month for him.
But at least my hubby and I had sense enough to get into a Grief Share class a few months after the deaths. It taught us many things.
For as deep and painful as my losses have been, I know losing a child is a very different level of pain.
Someone in the class summed it up really well:
Losing a parent is like losing the past.
Losing a spouse is like losing the present.
Losing a child is like losing the future.
Cathi. we never “get over” our losses. We learn how to live with them. Live with the “new normal” that we don’t like or didn’t ask for. From where I sit, you’re doing it with grace.
My heart goes out to you. You will have my prayers as I’m still learning to cope with my “new normal”.
It’s encouraging to know that after 17 years, you can still hear her voice because I don’t ever want to forget my mom’s love, her excitement about life, her strength to overcome a massive stroke. And I’m right there with you, I think about her. Every. Single. Day.
You have my prayers….
Stephanie says
I’m so sorry for your loss, Cathi. Wishing you peace on this difficult day of remembrance (and every day!).